Dear Nathan
by Somebody Once
Summary: Loving and losing is the hardest battle to fight. Haley leads Nathan on a journey he'll never forget.


Haley James Scott looped the S and placed a heart next to her name. With shaking hands she lowered the pen to her side and stared a beat at the final page that lay against the table before her. Trying to steady her hands she gingerly took the envelope from beneath the note and silently, tenderly brought her cartridge pen back to the empty canvas, spare the tiny 12 in the corner. She took a deep breath as she started the first letter, with each stroke of the N memories crowded her senses. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment simply letting them take over. Then she controlled herself again. She made it all the way to the second A before she had to pause once more. Blotches were appearing all over her beloved envelope. The edge of the N was running now and destroying the care she had taken to get it right. Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at the running ink, something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye and she realised where the problem lay. The tears were falling hot and heavy down her cheeks and onto the crisp paper in front of her. She hadn't noticed. She brought a weak hand up to wipe them away.

Her hand is cold and she just can't seem to stop it shaking.

She needs to do this she has to finish it. It is the most important thing she's ever done in her life. It has to be done right.

Forcing herself to hold back the tears and continue she manages to finish his name. As she completes the final N her mouth opens and she swallows repeatedly. She gazes at the name before her, stunned and amazed at the many emotions one word evokes. She pictures him now. Running towards her, calling her name, smirking in that adorable way, laughing with Lucas, crying on her shoulder his body heaving, his sobs silent and desperate against her shoulder. She doesn't want to leave him.

She has to leave him.

Her mind is filled with images. The way his forehead wrinkles when he's confused or desperate, his beautiful face, peaceful, innocent as he sleeps, the way he took her hand and held it to his heart. "You're still here."

She places the letter into the envelope and slowly licks it sealing it inside. She fingers it gently. Turns it over so once again his name is before her. The tears fall once again and this time she does nothing to stop them. She shakily brings the envelope up to her lips, "Nathan." She whispers, the name sounding beautiful and calming on her lips, "Nathan…" her lips move to press a silent kiss to the manila paper and she closes her eyes tightly, she has to go now. She knows it.

"I love you." She whispers and her eyes flash with some distant memory from long ago before they close for the final time, "and nothing else matters."

He is in their bedroom, throwing clothes on like a madman when he hears the crash. He pauses and the white cotton tee falls down onto his chest as his hands drop to his sides. He blinks once, twice. His eyes turn towards the open door to their living room. For a reason he can't describe he doesn't want to go out there. Doesn't want to see.

Mustering up a courage he doesn't even think he has left anymore he strides firmly towards the room, determined to face whatever it is that has him so afraid. He immediately sees what caused the crash and his heart pounds violently in his chest as he moves towards it. Gently taking the frame from the floor he stares down at the picture before them. The glass is shattered, a perfect crack right down the middle. His mouth feels dry and he is suddenly shaking with a fear so strong he doesn't even know where he is anymore. For right across the picture of a smiling Nathan and Haley gazing at one another on their wedding day is a broken crack right between them. The frame drops silently from his hand. And he hurls open the apartment door forgetting everything he came to get and runs faster than he's ever run in his life.

His shoes echo against the floor, they literally echo as each sneaker hits the ground with a thud louder than the last. He can't breathe, his mouth is in his throat. He shouldn't have gone, he shouldn't have left her. He never should have…

The corridors seem never ending. He rudely pushes past people, shouldering a man out of the way and earning a crude response. He doesn't even notice. He is running so fast. He can't seem to stop. He doesn't want to.

_Please God. ___

_Please God. ___

_Please. ___

_I'll do anything. ___

_Anything._

His heart threatens to jump right out of his chest as he reaches the corridor.

"Luke!" 

His brother has his back to him, leaning against the wall in the corridor. He watches as he turns and walks towards him.

Nathan's entire body starts to shake as Lucas walks forward, head down until he stands before him and slowly looks his younger brother in the eye. His face is contorted in pain, tears openly running down his cheeks. Nathan freezes.

"Nate…" 

"Don't say it…nuh uh…don't say it."

"Nathan…" 

Lucas attempts to put his arms around his younger brother but Nathan is already moving. Walking, walking on legs of jelly. He opens the door and sees a nurse and a doctor standing next to the bed. "What are you doing?" He shouts.

They turn startled as Lucas enters the room behind him.

"What are you doing?" He screams, "Get that off her…"

The nurse gently lets go of the sheet as Nathan storms forward and slowly, tenderly peels the sheet away from her face. "She doesn't like being alone, she doesn't like the dark alright."

The nurse steps forward, "Mr Scott…"

"Get out!" He whispers.

"Nathan…" Lucas attempts brokenly.

"I SAID GET OUT!" He screams so loudly that the three other occupants of the room have nothing to do but leave the room.

He focuses for a long time on the white sheet, moving it back to lay doubled over against her chest, far away from that beautiful face that always hated the dark so.

"It's ok…" he whispers smoothing down the sheet, "I've got you baby, I've got you now. I'm here."

When there is no response to his words. He forces himself to look at her face.

She looks like she's asleep, she looks the way she does on a Sunday afternoon when he watches sports and she curls up beside him and falls asleep in the crook of his arm before half time.

"It's ok Hales…" he whispers softly next to her ear, "it's just us baby, you can wake up now."

Her beautiful eyelashes remain closed against her cheek. He begins to panic.

"Come on Hales…it's me…it's only me…"

Nothing. 

He reaches for her hand which lies limply on the bed, "Haley…" 

His fingers brush the plastic and he can't bring himself to look at her hand.

_"Don't say I never give you anything."_

The cracker jack bracelet remains clasped in her palm. A bright contrast to the gleam of her gold wedding band.

His lips begin to quiver as he places his palm over hers and they hold their bracelet together one last time.

Slowly, reverently he lowers her hand back to the sheets and climbs onto the bed beside her knocking the envelopes from the bedside table to the floor as he lies beside her and holds her in his arms.

"God I love you." He tells her desperately, "You'll never know how much."

He closes his eyes as the tears escape and fall slowly down his cheeks, they remain like that for a long moment, just the two of them, like it had always been. Like it would be forever. Then he pulls back and gazes down at her before placing a final, tender kiss against her forehead. "I'm sorry." He manages brokenly, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here Hales…I'm so, so sorry."

Her chest remains still and the silence in the room is deafening, no longer are the machines needed, no longer is the incessant beeping ringing through the room. Nathan's eyes take in his bed in the corner of the room where he'd been allowed to stay with her, every night. It hadn't been needed, most nights they slept in Haley's hospital bed, holding one another. The only difference now was he was the only one holding her.

They would no longer be holding one another, they would never hold each other again.

Nathan is overcome with tears as this realisation hits him in the chest like a steamroller.

"I don't want to live without you Hales…I don't know how…" 

He holds her close, tightly to his chest and remembers their first kiss out on her lawn, in the glow of the evening sun, all those years ago, all that love, "You were too good Hales…" he murmurs finally as his tears soak into her hair and he cuddles her one final time, "too good for me and too good for this world."

White lilies adorn the church from front to back and there is barely standing room on the day of Haley's funeral. People had always loved her. Wanted to know her. She was special.

The Scott Family close ranks around him, as if he may break if he's left alone for a second, as if given one opportunity he'll follow Haley to the afterlife. Lucas stands beside him to his right, strong, protective, trying to control the tears that stream down his own face at the loss of his best friend. Brooke is at his side, arm linked with his, tissues crumpled in her palm. Deb and Dan stand in the row behind, Dan's wheelchair propped in the aisle. Lydia and Jimmy stand to his left clinging to one another for dear life. Next to them are Peyton and Jake leaning against one another like they are going to fall without the support.

Nathan focuses very hard on the church wall, it's amazing how many thousands of panes of glass make up a stained glass window.

Lucas squeezes his hand tightly and he looks up, nodding his head at his brother's silent question. Of course he's not ok though, he figures he'll probably never be ok again. But that's fine with him, he wouldn't want to be ok in a world without Haley in it. 

His eyes scan the church for a moment and his eyes are met with the face of Chris Keller. Nathan glares in unconcealed contempt for the bastard who tried to steal his wife from him. What was he even doing here, at his wife's funeral, the freaking nerve of the guy, if he even came near him, he wouldn't be responsible for what he did. Lucas attempts to move passed him and Nathan is shocked to realise that they are at the eulogies already. 'Bad Nathan, this is your wife's funeral', he tells himself, 'concentrate'. But it's damned near impossible. He feels like this is all some kind of dream, and if not a dream, then it must be some kind of nightmare. She can't be dead. She can't be. Can she?

Keith slides into the pew beside Nathan, in the space that Lucas leaves, great they don't even trust him alone for two seconds without someone coming to baby-sit him. He offers his nephew a squeeze of the shoulder and Nate offers back a forced smile. He wishes they'd just leave him alone. Just…alone. He can't concentrate, he doesn't want to, because if he does then all of this, all of it will seem real, and he doesn't want it to be. Not yet. Not ever.

Luke's voice breaks him from his daze though and he has no choice but to look up. There she is. His Haley. His beautiful Hales.

In a wooden box.

In a box that seems unfeasibly small to him, too small to hold a person, especially his wife. But it does. The floral 'Haley' that sits atop of the casket confirms that. Nathan grips the single white lily in his hand wishing he was in there with her.

"Haley James Scott…" Luke is saying, "is my best friend. She has been since I was eight years old and she kicked Thomas Branning in the knee for calling me a wimp. She has been since she herself kicked me in the shin for noticing she had breasts in sixth grade." The congregation laugh and some of them emit loud sobs. Nathan swallows hard. Of course she'd kicked Luke, she'd told Nathan repeatedly how Luke had told her she was like one of the boys to him until one day he'd announced "wow Hales, you have boobs" in front of the guys at the rivercourt and she'd been forced to hurt him. "She was also my sister in law…" Luke resumes again, "she and Nathan gave us guys hope, they made being in love look easy, but Haley could make anything look easy. She was such a special person, she wanted to tutor to help people, she did help people. She brought so much to so many of our lives that it's difficult to imagine the space she's going to leave. I know that there is a huge hole in my heart right now that no one will ever be able to fill. And to be honest with you all I am angry, I am so angry right now, for Haley, for Nathan, for the James's, for me, for all of us who loved her, because we shouldn't have had to lose this person, we shouldn't have had to lose her at 24 to a brain tumour. We shouldn't…" Luke struggles to regain his composure as his voice wobbles and he takes a deep breath before continuing, "I love you Hales…" he says, his voice breaking, "And I promise you, we will take care of Nathan, and we will try our damned hardest to be the people you saw in all of us, we will never, ever forget you." He steps down from the pulpit and places his palm on top of the coffin whispering a hushed final goodbye between just the two of them before he makes his way back to the pew.

Nathan bites his lip hard. Drawing blood. For the first time he realises just how much this has hurt his brother too, he has lost his best friend. And all this time he has been taking care of and being strong for Nathan. Luke makes his way back down their aisle and Nathan surprises him by grabbing him in a tight hug. Luke holds him close, hanging onto each other, "thankyou" Nathan whispers in his brother's ear before releasing him and making his own way down the pew.

It's his turn.

Nathan feels sick, his palms sweat, even as he holds the flower. He doesn't want to be here, he wants to be back at the apartment, curled up in bed with Haley, listening to her singing some new song she's writing the lyrics for. He wants to be back at the rivercourt teaching her to throw a granny shot, he wants to be back at the docks listening to her call him all the names under the sun for attempting to charm her. He does NOT want to be giving a eulogy for the person he loves more than anything in the world.

He places the flowed on top of the pulpit and then grips the wood with both hands. He stares out at the people before him, their tearstained faces watching, everyone in complete silence awaiting the words of the broken young husband. He swallows deeply.

"I guess you're all expecting me to come up here and wax lyrical about Haley…well I'm not going to do that." He begins, the microphone projecting his voice loudly around the packed church, "Haley is stubborn, and naïve and she always, always has to be right. She snores like the devil, and she doesn't have a clue about basketball, she makes me watch crummy lifetime movies over a Bruce Willis flick and she makes me grow my hair longer than I ever want it." He pauses, "but she's also my wife. My beautiful, talented, silly little wife. She gets mad at me when I tell her God made her that small so I can fit her in my pocket but I think that's why he made her. So she fits perfectly under my arm. She is a phenomenal singer, she really is, in fact the other day she was telling me about this new song where she…" Nathan breaks off as he realises just where he is and what he's supposed to be doing. "She…she is the best person I've ever known." He manages, voice catching as he struggles to control his unmanageable emotions. "And…and I don't want to be up here right now. I can't think of anything I hate more than this. But you deserve…and she deserves…" his voice breaks, "she deserves to know how much she means to me, how much I love her, how I can't even imagine life in a world where she doesn't exist anymore…she's my tutor, she's my wife, she's my universe. When I first met her she told me I was a joke, she didn't fall for my charm, did you Hales? You just told me you weren't buying my crap, but you kept the bracelet didn't you sweetheart, you kept it even then…you believed in me Hales…you believed in me when no one else would. You made me want to be a better person. You made me want to be better. And when they told us you were sick, you were so brave, so completely and utterly brave while I was falling apart. You were holding me together. You're always holding me together baby." The congregation sob and Karen's head burrows firmly into Keith's shoulder. Nathan grips the pedestal so hard his knuckles turn white. "You once told me you gave me your heart Hales, well I gave you mine and you have it baby, you have it for eternity, always and forever. You know that. I wish I could go with you. I wish I could but I can't. I love you. I love you more than anything and I won't ever let you go, not ever." He lets go of the wood and picks up the lily, shakily walking towards her coffin. "You and me Hales…", he whispers softly as he places the lily at the head of the coffin. A tear falls from his cheek onto the wood, mingling with the varnish as he brings his face down to the coffin and places a tender kiss at the top. "Nothing else matters…"

It is a sunny day outside and Nathan glares at the traitorous blue sky as he sits in the garden looking up. Still, it doesn't surprise him. It's almost as if Haley planned this. She wouldn't have wanted rain. She always wanted people to be happy. Suddenly for no real reason he longs for the crackerjack bracelet, he longs for it with an ache so bad it feels like some kind of heart attack. She is wearing it though. He had her cremated in it. He places his head in his hands. Closes his eyes to the harsh glare of the sun.

"You escaping?"

He looks up at his brother's voice.

"I needed a minute."

"Yeah me too."

Lucas sits down on the swing next to Nathan's.

"You hanging in there?"

Nathan nods silently, staring out across the car park.

When his father had suggested holding the reception at the Scott house Nathan hadn't protested. He'd been too out of it to notice much of anything. Besides Haley was gone, who cared where they all went anymore.

"Your speech was beautiful Nate…" Luke breaks the silence softly, "she would have loved it."

"Yeah…" he whispers numb, "Yours too man."

The swings creak in unison, the only sound in the garden, everyone else still indoors.

"I just can't get my head around this Luke." Nathan finally says. "I just can't bring myself to believe all this is happening."

Luke pauses, "I know man, me neither."

"Just a month ago she was fine."

"I know".

"And now…I don't know how to do this Luke…"

"Do what?"

"All of it. Life." He puts his foot out bringing his swing to a stop. "I can't do it without her man."

"Yes you can Nate, one step at a time little brother." Lucas says softly, stopping his own swing, "You have me ok…you always have me."

"And us." A voice pipes up and Nathan and Luke turn to see Peyton, Jake and Brooke walking towards them and stopping at the swing set in the Scott front yard.

Peyton and Jake each place a hand on Nathan's shoulders, and Brooke walks over to link her arms with Luke. "How you feeling?" Peyton asks softly.

"Like shit." Nathan answers honestly, "like this is all some kind of stupid dream and any minute now Hales is going to jump out and tell us we're all on candid camera."

There is a collective silence as the group gather together feeling the loss of one of them so strongly it's tangible.

"Well this sucks!" Brooke blurts out breaking the silence and for a second they all smile at her candour, but only for a second. "She loved you so much you know." She surprises Nathan by murmuring. 

"I know that." He whispers softly, "that's one thing I was always sure of." Peyton rests her head on his shoulder. "It just feels like…this isn't where I thought I'd be at 24. I pictured us finishing our degrees, making babies, looking forward to the rest of our lives together…not this…not me facing life without her…on my own…"

"You're not on your own." Jake speaks up firmly. "You have us."

"I know that man, and you don't know how much that means to me, but it's not the same. It's never going to be the same."

The four other young people fall into silence. He's right. Everything has changed. She's gone.

"I just miss her so god damned much and it's only been a week, you know" Nathan offers, wanting to talk now, especially to people he trusts, the people he and Hales called family. "And I am so terrified, so god damn terrified of what's going to happen next week and the week after that, and the month after that and the year after that when I start to forget….God what if I forget her, what if I forget the smell of her perfume, or that tone she had with me when I pissed her off, or the stupid recipe to make her blueberry pancakes, I don't think I can bear that."

"Then we'll be here to remind you." Luke spoke up quietly, "you forget that tone, you got four other people who loved her too and we will god damn show you the exact way she said it alright?"

Nathan nods, eyes filling with tears, "thankyou."

"Besides, maybe I have something else that could be even better than that." Brooke speaks up.

Nathan turns red rimmed eyes to his brother's wife. Brooke glances down at an envelope in her hands as if she's wondering whether to give it him, then she hands the brown paper envelope over with a sad smile. 

"It's from Haley."

Nathan's head snaps back to her face, "What?"

Brooke shrugs as everyone stares at her stunned and confused.

"Haley asked me to make sure you got these."

"What are they?"

"She wouldn't tell me, but when she got bad, really bad I mean, a couple of weeks ago she called me and told me she wanted me to find these envelopes in her drawer at the hospital, she wanted me to give you them if the worst…if she…anyway I told her that was never going to happen…" Brooke whispered, struggling to contain herself as she though back, "but she was adamant, she wanted me to give them to you, if she, if she…"

"If she died." Nathan finishes. Sick of everyone tiptoeing around him. 

"Yeah" Brooke finishes quietly.

"Wow", Peyton says sadly, her own eyes still full of tears, "Well are you going to open it?"

Nathan gazes down at the envelope, gently traces the ink with his finger, the last tangible connection to Haley. He can almost hear her laughing at him for not realising she'd have some kind of trick up her sleeve. She was always a surprise was his Haley.

"Um actually you guys, do you mind if I have a moment..." He asks softly, needing to be alone, needing it to be just the two of them again.

"Of course we don't." Luke tells him, getting up off the swing and practically dragging Brooke who looks disappointed not to see what Haley had been hiding these last weeks. Jake and Peyton begin to walk away too. "Hey Nate…" Luke shouts back as they are about to walk away, "We're coming around tonight man. Ok? We'll be there at seven."

Nathan nods. That was Luke always the protector, but he appreciated them. He didn't know if he was strong enough to face the apartment yet. After staying with Luke and Brooke the last week he had made the decision to return the night of the funeral. But his friends weren't going to let him face it alone.

Once they walk away Nathan turns back to the envelope in his hands. It is thick and brown. His emotions are all over the place for the umpteenth time this week. He doesn't know what to make of this. Trust his Hales to throw him for a loop once again, even after she'd gone.

"What are you doing to me Hales?" He whispers and then he makes his way to his jeep. He needs to be alone, he and Hales once more, and he's not going to get that in a house full of mourners.

The wind whips through his hair as he makes his way across the sandy beach in front of the Beach house. He tries to ignore the memories but he can't help remembering the time Dan caught them skipping school, drunk and making out on this very same stretch of beach. He had been afraid of his dad back then, funny, how a wheelchair could make the great Dan Scott so un-fearful now. The fire at his dealership seven years before had left him with third degree burns to his legs and he had been paralysed from the waist down. Now he was not only angry but he was bitter too. Haley and he had avoided Dan whenever they could. And unfortunately that had meant Deb too after she had begun taking care of Dan once more, never fully able to shut the man she once loved out of her life. His parents were little more than strangers now.

Nathan's family had been Haley, Peyt, Luke, Jake and Brooke. And the James's whenever they were in town. He scuffs his feet in the sand as he wonders just how much he'll see of Haley's family now. It occurs to him that he's not only lost his wife but her family too. 

Slowly leaning down he undoes his shoes and pulls of his socks letting his toes sink into the cool sand. He stares a moment ahead of him at the never ending horizon at the beautiful ocean before him and then closes his eyes breathing in the sea air. It's wrong, it's all so wrong that she's not here for this.

He glances around him and notices the beach is empty save for one dog walker a good mile away and he slumps to the sand. His shirt unbuttoned at the top, the wind whipping through his clothes the salty air biting at his lips.

Slowly, very slowly he raises the envelope to his hands. Turns it over and with a shaky breath begins to open it. He is careful with it, so careful, he doesn't want to damage this. It's all he has of her, that he hasn't seen, all he has left. He wonders if it's cheques, it'd be just like Haley to try and pay for everything. Maybe it's photographs…

He gingerly places his hand into the envelope and removes the contents into his lap with a frown. Envelopes, lots of little white envelopes fall into his lap. All of them with his name on the front, all of them with her beautiful handwriting. All of them for him.

She wrote him letters.

It takes him a moment to pull himself together. His Haley, his sweet thoughtful Haley that even while dying of an inoperable tumour found the time to write him letters for when she'd gone.

One of the letters isn't in an envelope though, it is separate and a different color from the rest. This one is on pink paper. He holds it so delicately in his fingertips. And as he begins to read, he swears he can hear her voice speaking to him through the page…

_Dear Nathan, ___

_I guess if you're reading this then what we both feared has happened and I have left you. Ok so first off sweetie, you'd better not be sitting around blaming yourself in some way for all this happening to us. Because I know you Nathan Scott and your tendency to blame yourself is overrated mister. None of this is your fault Nathan, and it's not mine either, who was it that said sometimes bad things happen to good people? Well whoever it was they were right. We're good people Nathan, you are a good person, this just happened, sometimes fate can be cruel my darling and I know that this happening to us is cruel and painful and just plain sad, but it's nobody's fault sweetie. I don't want you blaming God either, because if I'm up there with him then I don't want you docking my chances by cursing him down here ok? Anyway second thing you need to know, I love you, I love you Nathan Daniel Scott more than anything on this planet, in this world or the next, you have been the single most important thing in my life and I know for a fact that if they ask me up there what my greatest achievement was I'm going to tell them. It was you. It was always you Mr Arrogant basketball jock! You never gave up on me Nathan, not once. Even with that rocky patch of ours, you supported me and my music, my heart knew that it just took my head a little longer to realise, and you took me back, even when I made the biggest mistake of my life you took me back. I love you. I love you for your heart, and your mind, I love you for your body, and your soul, I love you for never giving up on us when others did, I love you for asking me to marry you when we were sixteen years old just cos you loved me. I love you because I know that deep down, you would take all of this pain, this illness if it meant I didn't have to go through this. But you know what. I prefer this. I honestly do baby, because I couldn't take what you've had to take, watching the person you love go through this. I couldn't watch you Nate, I couldn't be the strong one like you've had to be. Thirdly, thankyou, thankyou my sweetheart, for being there, for always standing at my side, for forcing me to fight, even when these doctors have practically ruled my death sentence. Thankyou for never letting me give up on myself. Thankyou for being the reason I want to fight so hard to stay in this world. Thankyou. ___

_Ok so I'm getting tired at the moment, I've been getting tired quite a lot lately, but it makes me feel so safe to wake up in your arms, to have you curled up in this hospital bed beside me. That's where you are now and it's crazy that I'm writing this while you're at my side sleeping, but it's not like you ever give me time to myself honey. Looking at you now it makes me realise how much I am going to miss you. I don't want to even think about it. But I need to do this Nathan. I need to do this, for both of us. This is our goodbye, our moment, this is the hope that even after I'm gone I'm not really gone, I'm not that far away from you my baby. I'm still here. In your heart. Do you remember that, the day after the doctors gave me my diagnosis and told us it was inoperable, do you remember what you said to me. I was crying and freaking out and you, you took my hand in yours and you put it to your chest, and you said, "you're still here Hales, feel my heart beating, as long as it beats you're still here baby." Well I guess I'm still with you now then. Oh that brings me to another point. Do not get any stupid ideas about joining me alright Nathan, I mean it, that would be the biggest mistake. And I would be beyond angry with you for wasting your life, that I'm not getting to live with you, so don't even think about it. ___

_Wow, I'm really tired, right I guess you're thinking shut up Hales, just get to the point and stop your rambling. So here it is. The point of all this. ___

_I love you Nathan Scott, and as your wife I have taken it upon myself to teach you a few lessons in life. To help you find happiness again, to give you moments where you feel I'm back with you again, even for one second. So in each of these letters you will find a letter from me with a task I want you to do. Now no slacking Nathan, I know you and some of these are going to seriously test you baby, but you will rally through them I know you, and if there's one thing I know it's a challenge, look who I married? And I also know that you never back away from one, so here it is my darling…12 months of challenges, 12 envelopes, 12 moments to have me back at your side again, not that I ever left it, not really. ___

_So remember this, I love you, and after the last of these envelopes are opened, guess what, I'm still going to love you and I'm still going to be there. So here's the deal, I will help you cope for a year and then you're on your own sweetheart, the world is your oyster (ask Luke if you're not sure what that means). ___

_But for now…I love you and I am with you, and I want you to enjoy these little adventures and remember you love me and hey you can't get mad at me for them if I'm dead hey? ___

_My heart is yours always, ___

_Hales x_

Nathan's chest heaved with sobs as he read the final line, he was torn between crying hysterically or laughing like a maniac. His tears subsided as he fingered the envelope labelled 1 and then he began to laugh. He laughed till his sides hurt, and he lay on the sand gazing up at the sky "ahhhhhhhh what are you doing to me Hales?" He shouted, but he was smiling. He felt like he had her back. He felt like she was beside him, he could have sworn he heard her laughter ringing out across the ocean. And for the first time in over a month, he had hope again.

**Coming next chapter...**

What does Haley ask Nathan to do.


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